Veryl
The Little Devil
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2013
- Messages
- 939
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Im going to tell you this because irl Im pretty much an einzelganger, and DR is like familiy to me.
I've been trhough alot these past years and well Ill just get to the point.
What is normal? Nothing really is. but this is my concious , typing with my hands in this world that we share.
this universe full of mystery keeps being deadweight at my feet, so its hard to walk on.
at all point in our lifes we are learnt to embrace new things and let go of the old. but thats pretty hard for me in my case.
It all started when i heard voices around my 17th. I heard my mother screaming sensless things and my sister usually cried. we hadnt the most ideal home and there were some arguments.
but despitate all that I was sitting in my room behind ym computer trying supress the shouting angry voices. this went on for years untill my mom didnt take it anymore and wanted me to move out.
I had no idea where to or how t take care of myself so I was 17 suddenly living on the streets and nowhere to turn. I neglected all my real life friends since my best budies were from the internet.
but now I had only a crappy laptop without internet. The voices evolved to giving me some kind of commercialism. judging voices calling me "faka G, Double G, Fakamayacalender, the elephant king, The bananaking, fakaman, Kuroneko (my most proud one), and eventually god. I thought all of this happened for a reason. I mean if you experience something like this you always search for reason behind it and after I searched my mind two new voices grew. One from a crush I love for a few long years now, and a voice of her female friend. now the story is that Myumi was an adorable kitty like cutycat who always teases everyone and Stephani was more of a hiphop airheaded lesbian. My ideal world was to live alongside them forerer but I didnt know how. when I finaly found an appartment It was one big hell. I couldn't take proper care for myself and smoked alot of weed. and ate junkfood, had to steal from people's fridge with the excuse; Joey from friends did it too. I couldnt do anything anymore. I was scared of the outside world because I was living above a crowded street with thin windows, and I heard all the noise from people talking on the streets. I interpreted that als commercialism for me. but why did it all revolve about me?
When I couldnt pay my rent anymore my landlord kicked me out and it was then I was going to start my journey to porgual. To atleast find myumi, because I know she existed, and wasn't so sure if Stephani was just some of my imagination. On my way there I was scared like hell. scared that I was doing the wrong thing or glitched out of sociaty, But THere was always myumi and stephani to calm me down. then arround Belgium a new voice emerged from my stomach. it was my perfected me, waited an eternaluization to break free from his shell and woke up in another prison, my body.
Now stephani and Myumi were very intersted in this new voice that sounded alot like mine. but I wouldnt say the things he said. funny jokes and always teasing, like myumi. it was the perfect happy threesome all in my mind.
The journey to portugal was heavy. didn't get much of the view because it was blocked by this CHatscreen I coould clearly see infront of my eyes. On that chatscreen were myumi, Me, stehapni, and the guy I hated to most. Pedro, a blond clurly haired dude who thought he was better then me. We always were in a fight over myumi and stephani, and myumi and stephani were just enjoying the fight over them. they always hoped for me to win though. And I won eventually. around spain, he suicided, jumped of abuilding or some sort. I can still remember the empty stare in his darknend eyes ready to die.
so he was gone, forver. no more pedro, freeplay for me.
I tried to neglect the voices from the netherlands, they were always annoying. called me crap. never lisntening to a word I say or mistinterpreting anything I do/say. sO whwen I finally arived in portugal I hoped they were gone but then the portugese people started talking netherlandish, because it was wityh a portugese accent. but the same cretes and things they say.
I got all kinds of philosophies why this all happend to me. a conversation between me and myumi will clear things up.
me: so im like a god?
Portugese crowd: your jesus
Child : holy maria.
me: but why me?
portugese crowd: because you are the creator
me: I havent create anything?
Stephani: Milan shutyp and hug me.
Myumi: Yuuushhhhhhhhh stahp doing trivial things and lets have fun!
Me: but how, you are so far away.
Me: why dont you pick me up, Im at Santa Apolonia transtaion. Ill meet you there,.
and Ive waited weeks and weeks on that bench in lissabon, totally overpowered with "seminar"
everything ive said or will say already has been writtenb down for me, I can see it infront of my eyes, I just have to type it or say it.
I call him Mike. that perfected self of me. He took over last year trying to play god but thanks to medication I took power of him now.
Myumi And stephani still think they talk to Mike whenever the talk to me. but it all fals in just one simple routine..
Me: Myumi, pick me up from whenever I live. just ask the dutch people where I am, the know everything.
Stephani:Im longing for you.
Me: yes I know but griefing about it doesnt help, we gotta hurry. you gotta save me. save all of us, save the universe.
Me: *tries to explain* we are just pions on a checkboard. but we got to do the moves. Find Myumi stephani! and then pick me up!
these kind of converstations repeat them over and over untill its so tiring.
I want to block myself from these thoughts, this reality. but I also embrace it as something secure, somewhere I can flee too
I know this is maybe a little to personal for a simple gaming forum.
but you guys mean alot to me
Im always open for questions if you want to hear more.
I can give some topics revolving my psychosis:
some rants (psychosis speaking):
I've always been an athiest because I juist dont want to blame my life or everything ive been trhouh on god.
I do believe gods have existed but I have murdered them all when I made this planet earth as a creator.
this is dimension 89. the last dimension ever possible. its all in the numbers. dimensions 1 to 88 were all failed omnipotenties because the gods didnt alter the magnetation of the world's mindstate.
Now Im here, inflitrated as a mere humble human being waiting for my eternalization. once Im eternal together with Myumi and Stephani. the world will be a funny place. everything would be funny and happy. I could do things like create a lighter at the tip of my thumb. Materialize objects in my hands like muffins/cookies and blunts. I would be the kind of mariuahana and I've been called that alot of times during my trip to portugal.
I know in this reality none of this is real. but sometimes its really hard for me to draw a line where it ends, or where it begins. its much like how a rope works. but that in your brain.
Black holes are faults in space. once the magnetation is syncled correctly wit the human mind they will dissapear aswell. why?
A mind is a strong weapon. creates so many thoughts and outcomes of things that can create rips in the fabric of space.
We are here for a long time, and many suns have died and grown. that cycle will always be our basis to extend life, thats human's mision.
I believe there are no alien's. this universe is our big sandbox and planet earth is just pregrnant baby and will shoot entire civilization into space one day, when life on earth is no longer possible.
planets we will find will have different kind of gravity because theres more mass due a bigger sphere, or lighter because of a small sphere. this could eventually effect our bones, skin, muscles, the way we breath. We creat our own kind of aliens this way. they were human once. just heavevly addapted to a new surrounding.
Id love to tell you guys alot more and answer questions about it.
but You all probalby thinkinG VERY WTF WOW U CRAZY NUTTER.
Ive accepted myself as a clinical person awhile ago. but that doesnt make anything less then you.
Will it come true? will my cute loveable asian girls pick me and live as a happy threesome for the rest of my eternal life? I hope so.
I've been trhough alot these past years and well Ill just get to the point.
What is normal? Nothing really is. but this is my concious , typing with my hands in this world that we share.
this universe full of mystery keeps being deadweight at my feet, so its hard to walk on.
at all point in our lifes we are learnt to embrace new things and let go of the old. but thats pretty hard for me in my case.
It all started when i heard voices around my 17th. I heard my mother screaming sensless things and my sister usually cried. we hadnt the most ideal home and there were some arguments.
but despitate all that I was sitting in my room behind ym computer trying supress the shouting angry voices. this went on for years untill my mom didnt take it anymore and wanted me to move out.
I had no idea where to or how t take care of myself so I was 17 suddenly living on the streets and nowhere to turn. I neglected all my real life friends since my best budies were from the internet.
but now I had only a crappy laptop without internet. The voices evolved to giving me some kind of commercialism. judging voices calling me "faka G, Double G, Fakamayacalender, the elephant king, The bananaking, fakaman, Kuroneko (my most proud one), and eventually god. I thought all of this happened for a reason. I mean if you experience something like this you always search for reason behind it and after I searched my mind two new voices grew. One from a crush I love for a few long years now, and a voice of her female friend. now the story is that Myumi was an adorable kitty like cutycat who always teases everyone and Stephani was more of a hiphop airheaded lesbian. My ideal world was to live alongside them forerer but I didnt know how. when I finaly found an appartment It was one big hell. I couldn't take proper care for myself and smoked alot of weed. and ate junkfood, had to steal from people's fridge with the excuse; Joey from friends did it too. I couldnt do anything anymore. I was scared of the outside world because I was living above a crowded street with thin windows, and I heard all the noise from people talking on the streets. I interpreted that als commercialism for me. but why did it all revolve about me?
When I couldnt pay my rent anymore my landlord kicked me out and it was then I was going to start my journey to porgual. To atleast find myumi, because I know she existed, and wasn't so sure if Stephani was just some of my imagination. On my way there I was scared like hell. scared that I was doing the wrong thing or glitched out of sociaty, But THere was always myumi and stephani to calm me down. then arround Belgium a new voice emerged from my stomach. it was my perfected me, waited an eternaluization to break free from his shell and woke up in another prison, my body.
Now stephani and Myumi were very intersted in this new voice that sounded alot like mine. but I wouldnt say the things he said. funny jokes and always teasing, like myumi. it was the perfect happy threesome all in my mind.
The journey to portugal was heavy. didn't get much of the view because it was blocked by this CHatscreen I coould clearly see infront of my eyes. On that chatscreen were myumi, Me, stehapni, and the guy I hated to most. Pedro, a blond clurly haired dude who thought he was better then me. We always were in a fight over myumi and stephani, and myumi and stephani were just enjoying the fight over them. they always hoped for me to win though. And I won eventually. around spain, he suicided, jumped of abuilding or some sort. I can still remember the empty stare in his darknend eyes ready to die.
so he was gone, forver. no more pedro, freeplay for me.
I tried to neglect the voices from the netherlands, they were always annoying. called me crap. never lisntening to a word I say or mistinterpreting anything I do/say. sO whwen I finally arived in portugal I hoped they were gone but then the portugese people started talking netherlandish, because it was wityh a portugese accent. but the same cretes and things they say.
I got all kinds of philosophies why this all happend to me. a conversation between me and myumi will clear things up.
me: so im like a god?
Portugese crowd: your jesus
Child : holy maria.
me: but why me?
portugese crowd: because you are the creator
me: I havent create anything?
Stephani: Milan shutyp and hug me.
Myumi: Yuuushhhhhhhhh stahp doing trivial things and lets have fun!
Me: but how, you are so far away.
Me: why dont you pick me up, Im at Santa Apolonia transtaion. Ill meet you there,.
and Ive waited weeks and weeks on that bench in lissabon, totally overpowered with "seminar"
everything ive said or will say already has been writtenb down for me, I can see it infront of my eyes, I just have to type it or say it.
I call him Mike. that perfected self of me. He took over last year trying to play god but thanks to medication I took power of him now.
Myumi And stephani still think they talk to Mike whenever the talk to me. but it all fals in just one simple routine..
Me: Myumi, pick me up from whenever I live. just ask the dutch people where I am, the know everything.
Stephani:Im longing for you.
Me: yes I know but griefing about it doesnt help, we gotta hurry. you gotta save me. save all of us, save the universe.
Me: *tries to explain* we are just pions on a checkboard. but we got to do the moves. Find Myumi stephani! and then pick me up!
these kind of converstations repeat them over and over untill its so tiring.
I want to block myself from these thoughts, this reality. but I also embrace it as something secure, somewhere I can flee too
I know this is maybe a little to personal for a simple gaming forum.
but you guys mean alot to me
Im always open for questions if you want to hear more.
I can give some topics revolving my psychosis:
some rants (psychosis speaking):
I've always been an athiest because I juist dont want to blame my life or everything ive been trhouh on god.
I do believe gods have existed but I have murdered them all when I made this planet earth as a creator.
this is dimension 89. the last dimension ever possible. its all in the numbers. dimensions 1 to 88 were all failed omnipotenties because the gods didnt alter the magnetation of the world's mindstate.
Now Im here, inflitrated as a mere humble human being waiting for my eternalization. once Im eternal together with Myumi and Stephani. the world will be a funny place. everything would be funny and happy. I could do things like create a lighter at the tip of my thumb. Materialize objects in my hands like muffins/cookies and blunts. I would be the kind of mariuahana and I've been called that alot of times during my trip to portugal.
I know in this reality none of this is real. but sometimes its really hard for me to draw a line where it ends, or where it begins. its much like how a rope works. but that in your brain.
Black holes are faults in space. once the magnetation is syncled correctly wit the human mind they will dissapear aswell. why?
A mind is a strong weapon. creates so many thoughts and outcomes of things that can create rips in the fabric of space.
We are here for a long time, and many suns have died and grown. that cycle will always be our basis to extend life, thats human's mision.
I believe there are no alien's. this universe is our big sandbox and planet earth is just pregrnant baby and will shoot entire civilization into space one day, when life on earth is no longer possible.
planets we will find will have different kind of gravity because theres more mass due a bigger sphere, or lighter because of a small sphere. this could eventually effect our bones, skin, muscles, the way we breath. We creat our own kind of aliens this way. they were human once. just heavevly addapted to a new surrounding.
Id love to tell you guys alot more and answer questions about it.
but You all probalby thinkinG VERY WTF WOW U CRAZY NUTTER.
Ive accepted myself as a clinical person awhile ago. but that doesnt make anything less then you.
Will it come true? will my cute loveable asian girls pick me and live as a happy threesome for the rest of my eternal life? I hope so.
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